Tag: bible

Veni Sancte Spiritus

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Veni Sancte Spiritus

Wind seems to be a constant companion for us here on the prairies. There are days when the wind is but a slight breeze, gently caressing your face. On other days, it feels like the wind will blow you over, pushing you where it wants. Today was one of these days. When the wind is strong, a song moves through my mind.

Veni Sancte Spiritus. Veni Sancte Spiritus. Veni Sancte Spiritus.

Come, Holy Spirit, from heaven shine forth with your glorious light.
     Veni Sancte Spiritus.

Come from the four winds, O Spirit, come, breath of God; disperse the shadows over us, renew and strengthen your people.
     Veni Sancte Spiritus.

The melody of this simple Taizé song is meditative. An act of prayer, the words are lifted high on notes wafting through the air like the gentle breeze.

The myriad of voices singing pulls you in. You find yourself enveloped in the rich harmonies as the voices sing Veni Sancte Spiritus (Come Holy Spirit). Emerging from the harmonies, one voice sings a petition. The words ring out in my head: Come from the four winds, O Spirit, come, breath of God; disperse the shadows over us, renew and strengthen your people.

The thing about wind is that we do not see it. All we can do is see, hear, and feel the effects of its presence. We hear the leaves rustling on the branch. We see stalks of grain dancing in a field like dancers who move in tandem across a stage. We see flowers that bend and flow to a tune only they can hear. We feel the wind as it touches our skin, causing the hair on our arms to stand up.

These days, I feel like a leaf caught in the motion of the wind. Uncertain where the Spirit is blowing me. My discernment feels tossed about by the strong movement of the air that surrounds me. The air that I breathe, the air that sustains my life, the air that renews my cells and strengthens me. So, I put my face into the wind. I feel the gusts of air swirl about me, enveloping me in their motion. I hear the wind as it fills my ears, beckoning me to trust its motion and presence. I may not know where next I am to be called as pastor, but like the wind that knows its destination, the Spirit knows my destination.

So I sing Come Holy Spirit, Veni Sancte Spiritus.

Hello….again

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How many songs do you know that start with the word “hello”? Some songs that come to my mind are Hello by Adele, and Lionel Ritchie. There also Hello by The Doors, The Partridge Family, Simon and Garfunkel (am I showing my age yet??) A google search will give you varying answers, depending if you include show tunes (and really, why wouldn’t you?!?!?).

This week I was reminded that I have a blog. “You are correct!” I replied. “I did(do) indeed have a blog but I haven’t posted anything in over 10 years.” I gave a little chuckle, but inside I was horrified at how long it has been since I last wrote. Really? Over 10 years??? I will have to update my tag line. I am no longer a new pastor but a pastor who has a decade and a half of experience behind her, with the scars and laugh lines to prove it.

When I began this blog many years ago, it was to give me a space where I could process where it was that I saw grace at work in my first call and in the world. And to share things that fed me in the hopes it would feed you too.

As it happened, my first call did not end the way I ever imagined or hoped. I came up against forced clergy termination, which was absolutely traumatic. And yes, I understand the gravity of this word but honestly, there is no other way to convey the devastation it gave me and my spouse. My confidence was shattered and a deep depression settled into my bones; depression that daily continues to accompany me. The days after the termination were filled with a pervasive anxiety that paralyzed me. I couldn’t face the world. I felt broken and as useless as a broken pot.

Fast forward to today…. here I am.

Throughout these fifteen years of ministry and many life experiences later, I am still here. By God’s grace I am still here. Over the years, God has brought alongside me people who have helped me to navigate my place in the world and in ministry. People who have helped me slowly rebuild my confidence and to heal the wounds. People who would remind me that God has not forgotten their beloved child.

“I do not understand the mystery of grace – only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us.” (Anne Lamott)

These are words I live by daily. These are words for which I give thanks because grace happens. God’s grace, with its gentle yet profound touch, meets us in our vulnerability, our pain, our mistakes, and our confusion, but it doesn’t leave us to languish there. Instead, it empowers us to heal, learn, and grow, gently nudging us towards a more fulfilling and meaningful existence. An existence grounded in God’s dream for us to know we are loved, cherished, and worthy of healing so that we can become what we were created to be.

If you are reading this, thank you for accompanying me this far. Thank you for being a witness to me putting myself out in the world once more. Thank you for responding to my Hello….again. Your presence here is a gift.

In giving thanks that grace happens,

Warmly,
Jennifer